Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Things I Can Remember That Were Bad about the Godzilla Remake

1. It rained. Constantly. Worse than Blade Runner and other movies set in the future, where the plumbing evidently is bad and therefore everything's wet and dripping all the time. But yet--no flooding.

2. Godzilla had the taxi in its mouth, and then Matthew Broderick electrocuted it with a handy electric cable (I have no memory where that came from) that he jammed into the montster's mouth, and then the car was back on the ground . . . and there were no problems driving it at all!

3. The blonde TV reporter "plot" bit. She wants a shot at being a reporter, but the guy from the Simpsons tells her she has to sleep with him, then maybe, which she of course won't do, so she steals a tape from Matthew after they conveniently find each other after several years' absence (since college! when she left him to become a reporter!), but Simpsons-guy edits her out and puts himself in, so she's still foiled, but only for awhile, because she's in the aforementioned taxi, so eventually she DOES get her chance to be a reporter, and, of course, she ends up with Matthew again. I predicted the latter development minutes into the movie, but only my stepson agreed with me. C thought Matthew would come to his senses and end up with the redhead.

4. The fourth guy, the cameraman, is at his home, where there's some kind of gathering going on (a party?) and the blonde is there, and the blonde and cameraman go upstairs where she/they decide to go find Matthew/the Godzilla-nest, so they sneak out. The wife of the cameraman sees him on TV, hours later, and is just overcome with surprise at seeing him on TV and so on. Apparently she hadn't noticed his absence for the previous several hours. Which, I don't know, seems odd to me.

5. Matthew and the rest of the cast refer to the Gozillas as "he." All the time. They reproduce asexually, however, and lay eggs, which makes them unique, I believe, in the animal kingdom. Would it have been so difficult to have a "she" Godzilla?

6. As Madison Square Garden is bombed, the four characters from the taxi--Matthew, the blonde, the cameraman, and this French guy, who serves no purpose other than local color, so far as I can tell--are running away from the explosion in the background. I pointed out to the stepkid that he would see this scene, or one like it, in many, many movies.

That's all I can think of right now. Mercifully.

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