Tuesday, June 07, 2005

This is What I'm Talkin' About

Thanks to Gavin over at Sadly, No!, here's a recipe page posted by Amber Pawlik. For those of you who've never had the pleasure of Amber's purple objectivist prose, you're in for, umm, a treat. If you look at the ingredients of these recipes, you'll note quickly that it won't be a TASTE treat, however. (You can also browse her miscellaneous bits on feminism, too--but only if you think you'd be enlightened by articles such as "Feminists Pave the Way for Women to be Raped" and "How Feminism is Destroying Young Women." Yes, those are actual titles. Yes, they say about what you'd expect them to say.)

And, really, the idea that these are "recipes" in any meaningful sense of the word is truly disturbing to me. Every last one of them features a spice packet or some other "flavoring" mechanism other than actual spices. "Italian seasoning." Okay, people, there IS no such thing. Frozen hash browns, Velveeta, and mayo (yes, mixed together. And baked!). Taco seasoning mix. The "veggie pizza" sounds truly heinous--and, really, it's not that hard to mix some yeast, flour, water, a little sugar together, and make your own damn dough. But cream cheese AND Miracle Wip?

Now, of course, we all have our favorite family recipe made from a box or mix. It's true that I personally do not, because my mother did not, but I most certainly do not cook everything I eat from scratch. There are many variations on these themes (green beans, cream of mushroom soup, and canned onion rings, anyone? Jel-lo salad, a.k.a. "funeral salad"? A casserole of any kind that involves a can of soup, really), and they hold a special place in our hearts. So it's not the fact that she eats this stuff sometimes--we all do. But really, folks, to call them recipes is just wrong.

My other complaint, though, isn't just that it's a can of this or a spice pack of that--it's that someone in an industrial test kitchen in New Jersey decided how your dinner would taste. That's what happens when all we eat comes from someone else's kitchen--we don't know how things get to taste the way they taste, and we're willing to let people use chemical substitutes rather than the real thing. Yeah, I know, I should find something more important about which to rant (coughcoughDowningStreetMemo STILLGettingNoPresscoughcough), but I can't help but think that it's the small things that crumble our lives, that destroy the mortar and make the bricks more vulnerable. (Speaking of purple prose . . .)


Blogger landismom said...

Oh yum, I can't wait to taste her meatball sub recipe! (Seriously, you need a recipe for that? You must be an even worse cook than I am.)

They just aren't recipes if they came from the back of a commercial package.

3:11 PM  
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