Monday, November 28, 2005

Chew on This

So tomorrow after school's out I hop on the train and head to a bakery where I want to work. The owner had told me to call after the holidays; I called this afternoon and he suggested I come up to see the place. No idea what'll happen. I suspect he's a face-to-face kind of person, given that he and I were on the phone for maybe a minute. That's fine with me; I'm pretty face-to-face (or in your face, as the case may be) myself. I want them to like me, and I want to like them, too.

When I'm faced with decisions or problems, I tend to chew them over for awhile. I want to make sure I've taken into account as many details as possible, and the chewing tends to help me sort things by level of importance, or even by spectrum of importance (i.e., some things may be important on one spectrum but not on another). When another person is affected by or involved in the decision, I have a tendency to present a variety of solutions (this tendency of mine even made it into our wedding vows, much to the amusement of our guests). In order for this to be productive, however, there's a certain minimum of information that must be in my possession, otherwise it's just stress-inducing and non-productive. The general question facing me and C is what we're going to "do." This includes deciding whether to move when our lease is up at the end of July, deciding to where to move, figuring out what we can afford to do, both now and later, without knowing what the household finances will look like, etc. I realized yesterday that we simply do not have enough information to solve any of the current equations, much less all of them simultaneously (or even sequentially).

At minimum, we need to know whether C will find a job and where; whether I'll find a job and where; whether he'll be able to collect his severance; whether I'm going to continue working part-time at the old place (which I'd do if they paid me--it's too much money to just walk away from it, number one, and, number two, they're more likely to pay me the back pay they owe me if I'm a current employee); whether I'm going to get any of my back pay, and, if so, when; and so on. Given this set of uncertainties, worrying about where we'll end up moving--in August, mind you--is a bit premature. Of course, I can worry about the intermediate steps, in the meantime (like finding a job). Luckily, I get bored with this after awhile and stop; at least some parts of my brain recognize that there's no point in worrying about any of this.

I really should be working on some other things, like making nougat for my in-laws' store to sell in time for the holidays, or registering a domain name, or filing a DBA and getting a tax ID, or like getting the liability insurance I need in order to make and sell said nougat, or even like writing a long-overdue thank you note. But worrying really takes much less effort.

Today we plated Still! More! Desserts! Warm chocolate cake with coffee ice cream, and grapefruit and orange segments with grapefruit tuile and peach sorbet (supposed to be honey ice cream, but we ran out), to be exact. We also made some spiced tuile, poached pears, panna cotta, and poached plums, all of which we'll use tomorrow for, yes, more plated desserts. If we get a day ahead the way the chef plans, we'll have time to do a little chocolate sculpture competition; I'll try to remember my camera.

What I really want is a salad--i.e., something that is not dessert, plated or otherwise. And some exercise: haven't had any of that in way too long. There's some talk in my head of going down to the basement and getting on a machine, but I might be able to talk myself out of it.

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