Monday, April 17, 2006

A 93.5% Solution

Not very long after Craw and I met, we were having dinner at the place where we had our first date (and where we ate together last night, for that matter). Craw said, "You're the most amazing person I've ever met." He was shocked to see me get this slightly sickened look on my face--until I explained to him that I've heard that more than once, from more than one man, and it's usually a precursor to being told that the person doesn't want to actually be with me. The weird thing is that, in at least a couple of instances that I can recall, the men were quite serious; it wasn't a case of them coming up with a version of "It's me, baby, you're great, you're amazing, but I just can't, I'd only hurt you, blah, blah, blah"--the old let 'em down easy tactic. When I explained this to Craw, he understood the look on my face, and, over the past nearly eight years, he has repeatedly informed me that I'm still the most amazing person he's ever met. (I'd argue that he doesn't get out much, but leave that aside.)

What we realized last evening is that that wasn't a good reason to get married (or perhaps even to get into the particular relationship we were in). It might be the case that he wanted to keep me in his life--and I wanted him in my life, too--and the only path we could imagine is the one that led to that ceremony last June. It wasn't all bad (and still isn't), but it's become clear to both of us that Fighting To Save Our Marriage probably isn't a good strategy for either short-term or long-term peace and mental health for either of us. We think we can come up with a short-term and long-term solution that will enable Craw to give back to me what I've given to him (in the form of financial support) and will enable Craw to pay back money he owes me, and probably even allow us to be friends, which wouldn't be the craziest thing we've ever done. It also enables us to delay telling our parents for awhile, which suits both of us just fine (his mom was very happy to see me, and I her, and I think the Kid likes being around me, too, and Craw wants me and the Kid to be able to stay in each other's lives, even if we don't spend as much time together). I know better than to think it's all going to be fuzzy puppies and pretty flowers--no relationship is ever that, and one that's been this fraught would certainly not be an exception--but at least we can move forward in (separate) ways that make sense for each of us and that enable us to stop making each other crazy.

Wish us luck.


Blogger landismom said...

Good luck. I hope you are able to work out a solution that makes you all, if not happy, at least content.

10:08 AM  

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